I've Been Sober for 9 Years Today!

And a sober mom for almost half that time.

Welcome! Parenting in Hard Mode is a community and safe space for BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, neurodivergent, and differently-abled parents who are raising Gen Alpha kids (born 2010-2024) and nurturing social justice-minded families—all while taking care of our mental health. Allies welcome, too. Please subscribe to connect with fellow parents through empathy and compassion. Let’s build our virtual village together.

Nine years ago, I woke up to the worst hangover of my entire life after yet another 3-day blackout bender. I’ll spare you the details only to say that it wasn’t pretty, and the journey ahead of me was even worse.

But today, I am no longer the secretly lonely 29-year-old extrovert who didn’t know she had crippling anxiety and undiagnosed ADHD.

Today, I am sober.

Just as I was sober yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the 3,288 days of my 9-year recovery journey.

Although I was lucky enough to get sober before having my child, staying sober through

• a miscarriage

• giving birth during the pandemic

• those sleepless early days of parenthood

• the stress of moving cross-country

• a fuckton of financial stress

• receiving an Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder diagnosis

• cutting off toxic family members

• losing a job I was perfect for

• subsequent depression while also still parenting

• compulsive spending issues due to depression

• my husband getting his own neurodivergent diagnosis

• our pediatrician pretty much confirming that our 4-year-old likely has ADHD

And generally surviving in the hellhole of this late-stage capitalist society where immigrants (like me), queer people (like me), Latinx people (like me) are viciously attacked (even if mostly verbally, for now) by half of the country—including the former and possibly future president of the United States of America—is pretty goddamn difficult.

But I’m still here, and I’m still sober. And it’s all thanks to the best piece of advice I’ve ever received…

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

It may sound simple but anyone who ever grew up feeling a little bit different, who was teased for being an outsider, who was secluded because they’re not part of the “norm”—aka those of us who have always lived life in Hard Mode—knows that it’s anything but.

Truth be told, I still have to remember to be kind to myself on a daily basis, and it’s not easy.

There were many more good days than bad days before the pandemic, before I became a neurodivergent mom to a neurodivergent kid that I parent with a neurodivergent husband. But if there's one thing I learned in the past four years as a sober bisexual Latina mom with ADHD, it’s that the bad days are so much better when you aren’t also hungover from the night before.

There are, of course, many more lessons I’ve learned in sobriety and as a parent, but just for today, I want to leave you with this: BE KIND TO YOURSELF. You deserve love and care, and you especially deserve to feel that from deep down within yourself.

I’m still working on a lot of internalized negative beliefs due to childhood trauma and being raised by a narcissist, but I try to do something kind of myself every day. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a nap, extra hugs from the two loves of my life, a book club with new friends, or even just a delicious mocktail like the one I’m drinking today.

Whether you’re sober or not, enjoy drinking or not, a parent or not, remember to BE KIND TO YOURSELF today. And perhaps for the next 3,288 days, too.

Tell me: What’s something kind you’ll do for yourself this week? I’d love to hear from all of you!

---

Abrazos,

Your friendly neighborhood bisexual Latina mom with ADHD raising a Gen Alpha kid

P.S. If you are struggling with alcohol or substance use, this list of 136 Sober Substacks from

Dana Leigh Lyons

can help you find someone you can relate to—and a path to helping yourself. Personally, connecting with

Holly Whitaker

,

Laura McKowen

,

Tawny Lara

,

Kelly Fitzgerald Junco

,

Celeste Yvonne

, and others on Instagram in my early days of recovery—and now finding these wonderful voices on Substack—was monumental to my continued sobriety.

P.P.S. If you are experiencing thoughts of hurting yourself, please call or text 988. And if you aren’t sure of the kind of help you need, don’t hesitate to email me at irinagonzalez@substack.com and I’ll do my best to direct you to the right resources.