"What’s underneath the surface here is that we are telling boys that it’s not okay to love female characters, that it’s not okay to love strong girls, that it’s not okay to love women."
Thank you for this piece! I feel your ambivalence here - wanting to stand on a gender line, but not necessarily cross it - and I appreciate your honesty.
We are at Disney this week with my 2 boys so I had some experience with trying to find them princess shirts recently! I’m very familiar with the Frozen issue in particular and the girls section shirts were also cut weirdly tight for my 7 yo in a larger body so they were a no go. We have a lot of Mickey squad shirts and our little mermaid shirts featured flounder and Sebastian only. It’s very frustrating! My kids love Moana and Frozen- at least the Lego aisle was easy to buy all the princess items! The Moana wayfarer boat was really cool for my 7 yo.
Yes, I find this all to be so very frustrating as well. The grey everything for babies drove me nuts, and with two boys now it's nearly impossible to find them clothes in a variety of colors. I'm so sick of blue and black -- and so are they! They want rainbows! I hadn't noticed the disparity regarding characters, too, so thank you for pointing that out.
I've thought about this quite a lot, as a mom of 3 kids (2 girls and 1 boy). I think the idea that it's more acceptable for girls to wear "boy clothes" but less acceptable for boys to wear "girl clothes" is 100% true. I've noticed this with characters for sure.
I find it's a little easier to work with colors than characters or types of clothing. For example, my son (middle kid between my 2 daughters) has worn some of his sister's hand me down shirts that are purple or pink, when he likes the design. But he only ever expressed interest in more "typical girl clothes" like skirts of tutus when he was younger and playing dress up with his sister. I've never discouraged anything but it's also hard to avoid the way culture communicates what is "appropriate for boys clothing."
I think this translates to adults, too. Women wearing their boyfriend/husbands clothing (in cishet relationships) is encouraged. Often considered sexy. But men wearing their girlfriend/wifes clothing would be considered weird (by conventional standards).
One could say some of this is about how clothes are designed to fit. But of course it's deeper than that. So much to consider there.
I love everything about this piece so much! I have so much to say with all the things I'm thinking.... I'll write more later once the kids are settled ❤️❤️
Love your edit of the shirt. Raising 3 kids AMAB who all identify as male, and agree with frustration of gendering of clothes. (Don’t even get me started on the gross mommy’s little heartbreaker/daddy’s little cupcake onesies 🤮🤮🤮). My 3 are now older school age/early middle school and wear soccer jerseys 99% of the time but have more of the women’s team kits than men’s for our local team, and all 3 were excited to get the new kit that is basically pink yesterday. Youngest wears his long long hair in 2 braids. My boomer mother continues to be scandalized but I’m glad my kids (and I think many in their gen) are realizing that people can wear what they want, despite the ongoing messaging that boys can’t wear “girl” stuff. (Your point about the no princess T-shirts to incel pipeline is so apt)
I hear you: I'm frustrated also that this is still a thing (context: the youngest of my 4 sons -- who has an Elsa Christmas decoration -- is now 18): and I think it's getting better. I found these in a quick search:
Thank you for this piece! I feel your ambivalence here - wanting to stand on a gender line, but not necessarily cross it - and I appreciate your honesty.
We are at Disney this week with my 2 boys so I had some experience with trying to find them princess shirts recently! I’m very familiar with the Frozen issue in particular and the girls section shirts were also cut weirdly tight for my 7 yo in a larger body so they were a no go. We have a lot of Mickey squad shirts and our little mermaid shirts featured flounder and Sebastian only. It’s very frustrating! My kids love Moana and Frozen- at least the Lego aisle was easy to buy all the princess items! The Moana wayfarer boat was really cool for my 7 yo.
Such an important perspective. Thank you so much, Irina!
Yes, I find this all to be so very frustrating as well. The grey everything for babies drove me nuts, and with two boys now it's nearly impossible to find them clothes in a variety of colors. I'm so sick of blue and black -- and so are they! They want rainbows! I hadn't noticed the disparity regarding characters, too, so thank you for pointing that out.
I've thought about this quite a lot, as a mom of 3 kids (2 girls and 1 boy). I think the idea that it's more acceptable for girls to wear "boy clothes" but less acceptable for boys to wear "girl clothes" is 100% true. I've noticed this with characters for sure.
I find it's a little easier to work with colors than characters or types of clothing. For example, my son (middle kid between my 2 daughters) has worn some of his sister's hand me down shirts that are purple or pink, when he likes the design. But he only ever expressed interest in more "typical girl clothes" like skirts of tutus when he was younger and playing dress up with his sister. I've never discouraged anything but it's also hard to avoid the way culture communicates what is "appropriate for boys clothing."
I think this translates to adults, too. Women wearing their boyfriend/husbands clothing (in cishet relationships) is encouraged. Often considered sexy. But men wearing their girlfriend/wifes clothing would be considered weird (by conventional standards).
One could say some of this is about how clothes are designed to fit. But of course it's deeper than that. So much to consider there.
I love everything about this piece so much! I have so much to say with all the things I'm thinking.... I'll write more later once the kids are settled ❤️❤️
Love your edit of the shirt. Raising 3 kids AMAB who all identify as male, and agree with frustration of gendering of clothes. (Don’t even get me started on the gross mommy’s little heartbreaker/daddy’s little cupcake onesies 🤮🤮🤮). My 3 are now older school age/early middle school and wear soccer jerseys 99% of the time but have more of the women’s team kits than men’s for our local team, and all 3 were excited to get the new kit that is basically pink yesterday. Youngest wears his long long hair in 2 braids. My boomer mother continues to be scandalized but I’m glad my kids (and I think many in their gen) are realizing that people can wear what they want, despite the ongoing messaging that boys can’t wear “girl” stuff. (Your point about the no princess T-shirts to incel pipeline is so apt)
I hear you: I'm frustrated also that this is still a thing (context: the youngest of my 4 sons -- who has an Elsa Christmas decoration -- is now 18): and I think it's getting better. I found these in a quick search:
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-4922156/disneys-moana-boys-8-20-in-ocean-artsy-graphic-tee.jsp?skuid=69661307&CID=seo_offers&utm_campaign=SAG&utm_medium=organic&utm_source=google&utm_product=69661307
https://www.target.com/c/boys-clothing-kids/disney-princess/-/N-5xty4Z5y5cq
https://www.amazon.com/Boys-Clothing-Frozen-Fashion/s?rh=n%3A1040666%2Cp_lbr_characters_browse-bin%3AFrozen (Sure, still *mostly Olaf, but there are some princess ones too!)