What Is Even the Point of Human Existence If It's OK to Kill Children?

"Almost 10,000 percent (%) more Palestinian children have been killed in Gaza versus the West Bank since Israel began and stubbornly continues this war."

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TL;DR: No children should be killed or hurt in any way, shape, or form under any circumstances—including due to the color of their skin or a war that’s quickly turning into genocide.

There’s a line in the song “Bittersweet Symphony” by The Verve that summarizes so much of where our capitalist society has brought us.

Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, that’s life

Tryin’ to make ends meet, you’re a slave to money, then you die

I’m in a place right now where I am honestly struggling with the idea of human existence.

Honestly, it doesn’t even feel bittersweet anymore. It just feels bitter.

I know this is quite a shift in tone from last week’s How to Be a Unicorn in Suburbia where I discussed embracing queerness, neurodiversity, and my cultura… but this is something that’s been on my mind for months and months, so here goes.

Sometimes I look at the world and think, what is even the point?

What’s the point of living? Like, really. I’m not saying this because I want to unalive myself or have any such thoughts, but I just can’t stop thinking: What is the literal point of having a human life when you have to bear witness to all of this injustice and pain? What is the fucking point of existence if nobody cares that literal children are being burned alive?

Seriously. Someone, please tell me!

Last year, I went through a major depressive episode from which I am still recovering (along with burnout that began during the pandemic). So this is really difficult for me to talk about because I don’t want to get myself back to a place where I can barely function because, well, my family needs me and I need me. But I just don’t know what else to do anymore.

I don’t know what to do in a world where one of the most reputable news organizations in the U.S. says that “it is possible to legally kill children” in Gaza.

Let me say that again.

Legally.

Kill.

Children.

Hold on a second, I have to breathe and try to avoid a panic attack because WHAT KIND OF EXISTENCE DOES A PERSON NEED TO HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS PERSPECTIVE?!

Photo by Latrach Med Jamil on Unsplash

There are so many things I can’t fathom about today’s world.

I can never understand why anyone wants to deny a child medically necessary care or chooses to ignore the science and literal experts (prominent medical organizations worldwide, like the American Academy of Pediatrics) who say that “evidence-based, gender-affirming care for transgender children and adolescents is medically necessary and appropriate. It can even be lifesaving.”

I can never understand why anyone cares what I do with my uterus or, even more so, why they’re voting for people who don’t have a uterus and yet have an opinion on what those with a female reproductive system should do with their bodies and lives.

I can never understand why, if someone wants fewer abortions, they don’t support comprehensive sex education starting in middle school. Do they think that adolescent brains magically develop the knowledge to wear a condom?

And to those who say schools shouldn’t teach sex ed but that it should be in the hands of the parents, let me tell you a story from my middle school. When I was in the eighth grade, the entire school population was shocked when it was revealed that a sixth grader (someone who isn’t even a teenager yet since most kids are 11-12 years old during grade six) was pregnant. Like, visibly pregnant. It turned out that this girl’s mother told her that you get pregnant from kissing. The mom emphasized over and over that the girl wasn’t allowed to kiss anyone because that’s how one gets pregnant. Guess what? The girl had never actually kissed her boyfriend. But she sure as hell had sex with him—and became a not-yet-a-teen mom.

I also will truly never understand why injustice happens.

Like, what is the goddamn point of hurting someone else because they’re different than you? What is the reason for actively pushing fellow humans down to the point of suffering and death?

I mean, the easy answer is power.

But why do we even care about power instead of, say, the value of a human life? Instead of love? Compassion? Vulnerability? Empathy? Family? Community? (P.S. When I first wrote this sentence, I accidentally said, “Why do we even care about money,” and boy, that’s a Freudian slip for other ages.)

I remember learning the saying, “power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely,” which is a quote often attributed to British historian and moralist Lord Acton who wrote it is 1887. Basically, he believed that we need to apply the same moral standards to everyone, including those in political and religious leadership positions. And, oh yeah, he believed that people in power are often corrupt, and the more power they have, the more corrupt they are. Sounds about right, honestly.

But back to injustice.

WHY???

Perhaps I’m more sensitive to, ya know, injustices in the world due to my ADHD, like children being murdered after being told that they were in a safe place. Or, actually, let me rephrase that. Perhaps I’m just not okay with children being killed in any circumstance. Like, legally or not, killing children is still KILLING CHILDREN. And if I have to explain to you why that’s actually the worst thing you can do in your entire human life, then I’ve already lost my argument.

As

Tana Ganeva

wrote recently, the United Nations considers the killing and maiming of children one of the worst things you can do to a child during times of war. Or, ya know, ever. There are actually six grave violations the U.N. Security Council identified and condemns:

• Killing and maiming of children

• Recruitment or use of children as soldiers

• Sexual violence against children

• Abduction of children

• Attacks against schools or hospitals

• Denial of humanitarian access for children

Without even getting into that Israeli attacks on hospitals and the denial of humanitarian aid for children have also been widely reported during this war… children are being killed all the time.

Now, I’m not a reporter on the ground in Gaza, but reputable organizations like Save the Children report that 33 children were killed in Israel on October 7th during the Hamas attack, and 13,800 children have been killed in Gaza (with 113 children being killed in the West Bank). And this report is from April 4th, 2024—so before the latest atrocities that have resulted due to Israel invading the southern city of Rafah.

To do the math for you, if we assume all of the children killed in the West Bank are Israeli, that’s a total of 146 children killed in comparison to 13,800. (This isn’t even counting the children who are severely injured or orphaned.)

Now, I maintain that ANY KILLING OF CHILDREN (Palestinian, Israeli, etc.) is not okay and will never, ever be okay. But I certainly also maintain that it’s beyond breaking to realize that 9352% more children have been killed in Gaza as opposed to Israel.

Wait, let me say that again.

Almost 10,000 percent (%) more Palestinian children have been killed in Gaza versus the West Bank since Israel began and stubbornly continues this war. AND THIS IS FROM A REPORT ALMOST TWO MONTHS AGO!

So I have to say again: What is even the point of our human existence if this continues to happen without a hugely influential (financially and militarily) country like the United States of America stepping in? Or anyone?!

Like, what am I supposed to be doing right now while massively depressed and incredibly enraged by all of this?

One of my favorite writers/journalists/authors,

𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕧𝕖𝕝𝕝

Wallace recently posted about The Atlantic’s “it is legally possible to kill children” situation. He said a lot of the things I feel, including that “to have a platform with your words published is a privilege and a TREMENDOUS responsibility. You have the opportunity to speak for SO MANY people that never get heard. Why would you ever use it to speak for the empire? I truly don’t understand it. I pray I never will.” Same, Carvell, same.

But what really struck me about his post was this:

I do see that, Carvell. And yet, I’m still struggling here with my own existence in this world that truly feels like it will never, ever get better for any of us.

I know that we have to keep on living, loving our own babies, speaking up for injustice, voting for people who we think will change things, doing what we can to both survive and try to make the world a better place, but… fuck, it’s just hard.

It’s just really, really hard right now to believe that there’s any kind of point or value in human existence.

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Abrazos to you, me, and children across the world,

Your friendly neighborhood bisexual Latina mom with ADHD raising a Gen Alpha kid