2023 Ends with a Broken $2700 Television

How a thrown toy reminded me of the most important thing in life.

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2023 has been a very difficult year for me. From losing my job to ongoing depression and burnout to some very intense impostor syndrome feelings around my parenting choices brought on by a reawakening of childhood trauma, it’s just been rough.

But never in a million years did I think that the culmination of this shitty year would be a broken $2700 TV.

Nor would I have ever thought that all of this would actually lead to a very important reminder about the kind of life I want to live and the kind of childhood I want my son to have.

Photo by Ivan Vranić on Unsplash

Noche Buena Shenanigans

Last week, on Christmas Eve, I held my 2nd annual Noche Buena dinner for close friends.

Noche Buena (or nochebuena in Spanish) is how Spain, Hispanic countries (meaning Spanish-speaking countries of Latin America and the Caribbean), Portugal and Brazil, and the Philippines celebrate Christmas—with a huge feast on Christmas Eve.

Growing up with a Cuban dad, my family celebrated Noche Buena every year after we moved to the U.S. in 1994 when I was 8 years old.

It’s just how we did Christmas. I honestly never thought anything about it as a kid—other than absolutely loving that I got to open all of my Christmas presents at midnight—but I’ve been thinking about it a lot the past few years. That’s why I’m trying to start my own little Noche Buena traditions with my husband, kiddo, and whatever local friends aren’t traveling that year.

This year, I really got into it by experimenting with a bunch of new recipes inspired by traditional Noche Buena dishes and some of my favorite Latin meals. For one, I made salsa fresca for the first time and I am officially *in love* with making fresh salsa. I’ve already bought ingredients to make a double batch. For myself. Yup, just me.

We had some close friends over for an early dinner (you know, cause young kids) and had a great time.

Although nobody stayed up to open presents at midnight, we did allow Rio to pick a present to open mid-day on Christmas Eve. Honestly, this was mainly to keep him occupied while we finished getting the house ready. (I’m still negotiating the whole open-presents-at-midnight situation with my husband.)

I’ll definitely be doing this again next year—and I’m hoping it will grow into a family tradition that my child will someday treasure as I treasure my childhood Noche Buena memories.

But… at the end of the night, as the adults were starting to wrap up, I heard a bang. Then, one of the kids came upstairs and said the words that no parent wants to hear: “Rio threw something at the TV and now it’s not working.”

I froze.

I didn’t really understand the words at first. Thanks to my ADHD, I usually process things a mile a minute but it took a bit for my brain to actually catch up to what I heard. Then suddenly, my body propelled me downstairs where I confirmed that my almost 4-year-old did, in fact, throw something at the TV screen. And the TV was, in fact, no longer working.

All Those Damn Toys

Before the Great TV Fiasco of 2023 happened, I was already thinking that perhaps we overdid it a bit with my kiddo’s Christmas presents this year.

I’m one of those people who will slowly start buying holiday presents in the fall whenever I see something that I think someone in my life will love. And with my son becoming more talkative and opinionated this year—really, just fully becoming his own little person—I had a ton of fun getting things for him gradually.

There would be something here or there, then Amazon’s October Prime Day, then Black Friday sales, and then… Well, I ended up with all of the drawers under our bed full of toys. Yikes!

At some point, I realized that we had gotten too many similar toys (he loves monster trucks) so I ended up having to shop even more because I wanted some variety in there. Eventually, as I began to think about wrapping everything at the start of December, I had to write down all that we had and divide it up.

His birthday is in March, so I figured we could save a bunch of the toys for then—and I was right. I think we ultimately ended up with 11 things for this year and 7 saved for his birthday next year.

But, while doing all of this, my husband and I started to talk about how we just have too many toys in this house.

I know that’s a common complaint for most middle-class parents but growing up in an immigrant household meant I had some things I truly loved but not a lot overall. And as a first-time parent of an only child, I’ve started to realize (thanks, therapy!) that I am doing a lot of subconscious things to compensate for what I never had as a child.

But my child isn’t me. He will grow up with all of the privileges I never had, and I’m trying to become more aware of that as a whole.

So here we are, about to end 2023, and there are just so many damn toys everywhere.

I don’t know how other parents do it but our house is an utter mess, like, all of the time. I’m someone who loves to organize but, as I frequently tell my husband, I can’t just organize on the fly or with 30 minutes a day. When I want to organize, I need to know that I have a solid 2-3 hours to really dig into something. I just have never been able to do it any other way. (Again, thanks, ADHD!)

But as we end the year with a broken TV and 11 more toys (plus gifts from friends) added to our 1,300 square-foot house, the biggest thing on my mind has been: What happened to the version of our family where we focus on experiences and not material possessions?

That was our parenting goal at one point or another. Somewhere along the way, we lost track of that. I guess, at the end of the day, we live in a consumerist culture and it’s just easier to quickly click “buy now” instead of spending time planning an outing. Yet is that the family life we as a society want to have?

Broken TV but Not Broken Spirit

I’ll admit: It’s been difficult to emotionally deal with my child breaking a $2700 TV.

Granted, we got it back in 2018 so it’s served us well—but at the same time, we’re currently struggling financially so having to replace a major home appliance right now is hurting. (FYI—Thanks to obsessive research and a lot of reading, I found the best budget TV out there and it’s only $548!)

But despite what feels like just one more setback on the pile of shit that has been 2023, I am feeling optimistic about 2024.

For one, I finally have a job!

However, it’s part-time so I’m also on the lookout for other opportunities—and my best work has always been as an editor. So if you’re a writer, reach out!

Secondly, I am excited to continue regularly posting here on Raising Gen Alpha after not doing much in the summer due to my depression.

I have a lot of fun posts coming up and am considering re-launching the podcast to address questions we parents of Generation Alpha kids have, and doing interviews with experts to answer them. (P.S. My podcast was formerly called Pandemic Mama and features 28 interviews with those of us who had children in 2020 and 2021. Even though a lot of time has passed, it’s still a great listen!)

Third, I feel that I am getting somewhere really good in therapy lately. We’ve been starting some shadow work since mid-fall and I am very much enjoying the process even though it also feels like ripping my guts out, playing with them, and then putting them back in haphazardly.

But most of all, I’m glad that my kid broke the TV.

Not glad about it from a financial sense but glad because it gave me a push to really remember that we never meant for our lives to become all about toys and getting the next big thing.

I honestly don’t have a single specific memory of our family (and different combinations thereof) watching that TV. But I do have memories when we leave the house, spend time outside, hang out with friends, and create adventures together.

Right now, I’m eyeing exploring some Colorado mountain towns we haven’t been to before—and possibly taking a vacation near Pike’s Peak late this summer before our kiddo leaves daycare and starts preschool at a public school. (Thanks, Colorado Universal Preschool Program for covering half the cost!)

And yes, there will be some TV watching there too.

But mostly, I’m looking forward to a hopefully more peaceful 2024—with work so I can actually pay my bills, writing to connect with our community here, a few breakthroughs in therapy, and some memories (and pictures!) to fill our brains and our hearts.

Join me in conversation… How is your 2023 ending? Are you excited for anything in 2024? What’s an adventure you’d like to have next year, either with your family or on your own? I’d love to hear from all of you!

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Talk soon,
Irina (she/her) - raising a March 2020 gen alpha kid