"The same grandparents who want to be paid for babysitting their own flesh and blood never did such a thing when their (now adult) kids were being taken care of by their own parents. I mean, don’t we all have memories of spending hours and days and sometimes weeks or months and grandma and grandpa’s house as kids? Surely, Boomers weren’t paying for this valuable childcare—yet they now demand being paid." THIS
Thank you! I honestly find it SO ODD that this is their mentality. And I didn't add this to the piece (maybe in the future) but I've also noticed Boomer grandparents complain that their kids demand that they "go to them" but... I'm fairly sure that's how it was done when we were kids, too. I don't remember my grandma ever coming to *my* house. I always taken to hers!
So I saw those articles making the rounds and I think my perspective varies a bit than what I've seen other folks talk about. I think the part about it relating to capitalism (that you wrote about) resonates more with me than any of the rest. Personally I didn't grow up spending weekends or summers with my grandparents (2 lived in another country so that wasn't feasible and the only other one was busy working and helping raise my cousins), so I never expected that growing up. I do feel that grandparents should be paid once the caretaking reaches a certain level also. How many grandparents have such disposable income they're already retired or will ever be able to? A lot of people are struggling financially, so unless the grandparents are well-off and have little else to do, I wouldn't expect that of them since they probably also have to work (on top of rising ailments that come with older age). I knew someone who basically expected her mom to be the daycare for her first and then second kid free of charge, M-F working hours plus occasional weekends, with nary a thank you. It felt super gross and entitled to me because even if the grandparent didn't ask for money, why wouldn't you offer it (like maybe not the full cost of a daycare, but SOME money to show appreciation)? Eventually she had to ask for some money and also to not have to work as much (her spouse still works at age 75! He still can't fully afford to retire because of the way the world is these days especially for immigrant families).
So while I get the general sentiment, I think there are definite caveats. I do think it sucks to not have a village, but the village was never meant to just be our parents watching our kids. It was our siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles and neighbors, dozens of people, all watching out for not just our own kids but other people's kids too (AND conversely, us grown up kids taking care or our parents and other community elders, making sure they weren't lonely and also making sure their health was cared for as they age). But we, or well most of us, don't live in villages anymore (we live in cities or far removed towns and in states and countries far from many loved ones) and it's so hard to trust people I suppose in our very individualistic society (which is also part of capitalism) so I think there's a lot more to it. I don't think i'll ever be able to retire and when I think about being a grandparent (which i may never be, who knows!) it just feels so exhausting. I'm already tired and I'm not even 40 yet hah! But maybe things will improve in our society, who knows!
It's funny cause we had similar experiences with our own grandparents—which I think is largely an immigrant thing, I'd guess? My only grandparent in the US lived with my aunt many states away and took care of my cousin. Though we did visit my grandparents in Russia and they came here for a few summers. And I very much have memories of going to my great grandma's house before age 8 (when we came to the US).
I think what's really driving people crazy about those articles is that they aren't at all talking about the grandparents you mention, that I also wrote about later on, who do NOT have a disposable income and need to continue working into retirement. The particular article (especially the second one, which was published first) talked about grandparents choosing to travel instead of being there to support their kids/grandkids when they need it. Those are very different grandparents than the ones you're mentioning—and I hope that was clear in what I said.
I definitely don't think (or know anyone) who expects a grandparent who still has to work to come and take care of their kids, much less for free. But for the retired and semi-retired grandparents who can't even be there occasionally when their kids need them, that's pretty shitty. The situation you described is definitely gross, and I think if a grandparent needs an income, then that's a family decision whether the parent and grandparent can work out financial compensation. I mean, I think it totally makes sense that you'd rather be paid by your child to watch your grandkids instead of go be a substitute teacher somewhere and watch someone else's kids (an example in the first article).
My issue is mostly with the grandparents who have the money and free time, and act entitled to their children and grandchildren's time without at the very least meeting halfway.
And yeah, I can't imagine ever being retired!
You make an excellent point that the "village" wasn't ever just our own parents, but siblings and many other extended family members. The city living we do now definitely makes that harder, and that's absolutely an issue of capitalism and our individualistic society. I don't know how any of this will get better, tbh.
I'm a Millennial. But I have to admit, I have a tough time relating to this discourse. I have a two-year-old and feel like I've been part of the sandwich generation since she was born. My mother-in-law recently passed after a tough battle with cancer during covid, my mom has late-stage Alzheimer's, and my dad has chronic health problems and is in and out of hospitals constantly. Plus, they live three hours away, so we're constantly driving back and forth to deal with eldercare issues, which are WAAAY more complicated and draining than childcare IMO. I *wish* our parents were healthy enough to even help with childcare, let alone travel! I know my experience is not unique because, like me, so many Millennials are having kids in their late 30's and beyond.
"The same grandparents who want to be paid for babysitting their own flesh and blood never did such a thing when their (now adult) kids were being taken care of by their own parents. I mean, don’t we all have memories of spending hours and days and sometimes weeks or months and grandma and grandpa’s house as kids? Surely, Boomers weren’t paying for this valuable childcare—yet they now demand being paid." THIS
Thank you! I honestly find it SO ODD that this is their mentality. And I didn't add this to the piece (maybe in the future) but I've also noticed Boomer grandparents complain that their kids demand that they "go to them" but... I'm fairly sure that's how it was done when we were kids, too. I don't remember my grandma ever coming to *my* house. I always taken to hers!
So I saw those articles making the rounds and I think my perspective varies a bit than what I've seen other folks talk about. I think the part about it relating to capitalism (that you wrote about) resonates more with me than any of the rest. Personally I didn't grow up spending weekends or summers with my grandparents (2 lived in another country so that wasn't feasible and the only other one was busy working and helping raise my cousins), so I never expected that growing up. I do feel that grandparents should be paid once the caretaking reaches a certain level also. How many grandparents have such disposable income they're already retired or will ever be able to? A lot of people are struggling financially, so unless the grandparents are well-off and have little else to do, I wouldn't expect that of them since they probably also have to work (on top of rising ailments that come with older age). I knew someone who basically expected her mom to be the daycare for her first and then second kid free of charge, M-F working hours plus occasional weekends, with nary a thank you. It felt super gross and entitled to me because even if the grandparent didn't ask for money, why wouldn't you offer it (like maybe not the full cost of a daycare, but SOME money to show appreciation)? Eventually she had to ask for some money and also to not have to work as much (her spouse still works at age 75! He still can't fully afford to retire because of the way the world is these days especially for immigrant families).
So while I get the general sentiment, I think there are definite caveats. I do think it sucks to not have a village, but the village was never meant to just be our parents watching our kids. It was our siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles and neighbors, dozens of people, all watching out for not just our own kids but other people's kids too (AND conversely, us grown up kids taking care or our parents and other community elders, making sure they weren't lonely and also making sure their health was cared for as they age). But we, or well most of us, don't live in villages anymore (we live in cities or far removed towns and in states and countries far from many loved ones) and it's so hard to trust people I suppose in our very individualistic society (which is also part of capitalism) so I think there's a lot more to it. I don't think i'll ever be able to retire and when I think about being a grandparent (which i may never be, who knows!) it just feels so exhausting. I'm already tired and I'm not even 40 yet hah! But maybe things will improve in our society, who knows!
It's funny cause we had similar experiences with our own grandparents—which I think is largely an immigrant thing, I'd guess? My only grandparent in the US lived with my aunt many states away and took care of my cousin. Though we did visit my grandparents in Russia and they came here for a few summers. And I very much have memories of going to my great grandma's house before age 8 (when we came to the US).
I think what's really driving people crazy about those articles is that they aren't at all talking about the grandparents you mention, that I also wrote about later on, who do NOT have a disposable income and need to continue working into retirement. The particular article (especially the second one, which was published first) talked about grandparents choosing to travel instead of being there to support their kids/grandkids when they need it. Those are very different grandparents than the ones you're mentioning—and I hope that was clear in what I said.
I definitely don't think (or know anyone) who expects a grandparent who still has to work to come and take care of their kids, much less for free. But for the retired and semi-retired grandparents who can't even be there occasionally when their kids need them, that's pretty shitty. The situation you described is definitely gross, and I think if a grandparent needs an income, then that's a family decision whether the parent and grandparent can work out financial compensation. I mean, I think it totally makes sense that you'd rather be paid by your child to watch your grandkids instead of go be a substitute teacher somewhere and watch someone else's kids (an example in the first article).
My issue is mostly with the grandparents who have the money and free time, and act entitled to their children and grandchildren's time without at the very least meeting halfway.
And yeah, I can't imagine ever being retired!
You make an excellent point that the "village" wasn't ever just our own parents, but siblings and many other extended family members. The city living we do now definitely makes that harder, and that's absolutely an issue of capitalism and our individualistic society. I don't know how any of this will get better, tbh.
I'm a Millennial. But I have to admit, I have a tough time relating to this discourse. I have a two-year-old and feel like I've been part of the sandwich generation since she was born. My mother-in-law recently passed after a tough battle with cancer during covid, my mom has late-stage Alzheimer's, and my dad has chronic health problems and is in and out of hospitals constantly. Plus, they live three hours away, so we're constantly driving back and forth to deal with eldercare issues, which are WAAAY more complicated and draining than childcare IMO. I *wish* our parents were healthy enough to even help with childcare, let alone travel! I know my experience is not unique because, like me, so many Millennials are having kids in their late 30's and beyond.